I feel that the last three years have been a cycle of falling down and getting up again for me.
There have been periods that I felt unfathomably miserable, like a worthless piece of scrap hidden under a ton of other scraps in a random area of the junkyard.
Those are the periods that I feel like I have not done anything with my life and I am doomed to live a life of mediocrity with no purpose and no meaning.
And then the good angel kicks the doors of my mind wide open.
The good angel whispers inside my mind “Why are you worthless? Why is it that you can’t do what you want in life?”
I sit down on my usual arm chair in my favourite coffee spot and put my brain to use. Why is it really that I think like that? Did I do everything in my power to reach my goals? Did I really change my habits into useful ones like I wanted to, or did I let laziness kick-in and contentedness for misery consume me?
I immediately write down the things and habits that make me fall into that pit and try to eliminate them one by one. I write my goals and note ways that I could implement to help me achieve them.
I start immediately, without losing time. The trick the evil angel uses is several circumstances, some immediate and some intermediate, that bring me down and cause me slowly to lose my will and get into a state of gloominess and tiredness.
What I noticed over the last three years though, is that the cycle is becoming more oval, with the down periods becoming less frequent and shorter, and every good habit being established, shifting the balance of self-development on the good side.
The past may be a bit bleak, the future is a total unknown but the present looks pretty darn beautiful to me right now. This road of getting better and reaching my Ithaca is really a fun and rewarding ride and even though I meet cyclops, laestrygonians and evil witches in my way, I always get back on track and steady my raft.